{"id":618,"date":"2025-12-13T16:49:57","date_gmt":"2025-12-13T16:49:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/vibepress.us\/?p=618"},"modified":"2025-12-13T16:49:59","modified_gmt":"2025-12-13T16:49:59","slug":"the-sister-who-took-me-for-granted","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vibepress.us\/?p=618","title":{"rendered":"The Sister Who Took Me For Granted"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-cover aligncenter is-light mycontentblock has-medium-font-size wp-duotone-333-rgba2552552550-1\" style=\"margin-top:0;margin-bottom:var(--wp--preset--spacing--50);padding-top:0;padding-bottom:0;min-height:50px;aspect-ratio:unset;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"1024\" height=\"186\" class=\"wp-block-cover__image-background wp-image-198 size-large\" alt=\"\" src=\"https:\/\/vibepress.us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Screenshot-2025-12-04-at-2.47.25-PM-1-1024x186.png\" style=\"object-position:50% 50%\" data-object-fit=\"cover\" data-object-position=\"50% 50%\" srcset=\"https:\/\/vibepress.us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Screenshot-2025-12-04-at-2.47.25-PM-1-1024x186.png 1024w, https:\/\/vibepress.us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Screenshot-2025-12-04-at-2.47.25-PM-1-300x54.png 300w, https:\/\/vibepress.us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Screenshot-2025-12-04-at-2.47.25-PM-1-768x139.png 768w, https:\/\/vibepress.us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Screenshot-2025-12-04-at-2.47.25-PM-1-1536x279.png 1536w, https:\/\/vibepress.us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Screenshot-2025-12-04-at-2.47.25-PM-1-2048x372.png 2048w, https:\/\/vibepress.us\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/Screenshot-2025-12-04-at-2.47.25-PM-1-1320x239.png 1320w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 1024px) 100vw, 1024px\" \/><span aria-hidden=\"true\" class=\"wp-block-cover__background has-background-dim-0 has-background-dim\"><\/span><div class=\"wp-block-cover__inner-container is-layout-constrained wp-container-core-cover-is-layout-4d396166 wp-block-cover-is-layout-constrained\">\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center my-cover-title has-ast-global-color-8-color has-ast-global-color-5-background-color has-text-color has-background has-link-color has-small-font-size wp-elements-6d7ce097f637d55e65891824845f1902\"><strong>The Sister Who Took Me For Granted<br><\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-b00a0623f6c00e814dcb6730e1496a5d\">I have a twin sister, who has 4 kids. She always asks me to babysit for free, and I never say no. At a big family dinner, guests praised me for being a good auntie. <strong>And then, to my embarrassment, my sister laughed and said, \u201cWell, <\/strong>of course she helps! It\u2019s not like she has anything else going on.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<script type=\"text\/javascript\">\n    atOptions = {\n        'key' : '9e49f4ce267f7bab92bbdb38b733742b',\n        'format' : 'iframe',\n        'height' : 90,\n        'width' : 728,\n        'params' : {}\n    };\n<\/script>\n<script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"\/\/brillianceremisswhistled.com\/9e49f4ce267f7bab92bbdb38b733742b\/invoke.js\"><\/script>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-a99baf1aeae73e84971f940bf6d27f07\">The room got awkwardly quiet. I managed a weak smile, pretending I didn\u2019t care, but deep down it stung more than I wanted to admit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-851fa438845e00d401657b4570b66655\">I\u2019ve always been the <strong>\u201csingle auntie,\u201d<\/strong> the one without a husband, without kids, with a flexible job working remotely. People assumed I had time to spare. And sure, I did, sometimes. But that didn\u2019t mean I wanted to be treated like a built-in babysitter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-a0ecd93f01ea019e703d73b407018277\">Still, I brushed it off, like I always did. My sister, Lidia, had a lot on her plate\u2014four energetic kids under 10, a husband who worked long shifts, and bills that always seemed to pile up. I knew she was stressed. So I told myself it wasn\u2019t personal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-9fd28fc176beeb6e39d4aa2cf7e362fd\">But that comment lingered.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-3380be8f2306c3d8d9671d9c75715240\">A few days after the dinner, I went over to her house to drop off a forgotten jacket. I found her in the kitchen, phone tucked under her chin, yelling at one of the kids while scrolling Instagram. She barely noticed I\u2019d come in.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-e32086dc1eac57aee7fe22fe68da8bfe\">\u201cOh good, you\u2019re here,\u201d she said. \u201cCan you watch them for a bit? I have a \u2018me-time\u2019 facial appointment.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-331269c92dea5ec332e7656568e5cfe9\">I blinked. \u201cLidia, you didn\u2019t even ask.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-e4b05efb79ddaba0f19ac0008223a3cc\">She shrugged. \u201cWell, you always say yes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-bebef4180bb946c90027db41de9e1ca5\">That was the moment something shifted in me. I didn\u2019t argue, I didn\u2019t protest. I just nodded and stayed with the kids like always. But that night, I went home and cried. Not because I was being used\u2014but because I\u2019d allowed it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-018fa9951cf6c1aed34c465e768e2125\">I started paying attention to the patterns. I realized I hadn\u2019t had a weekend to myself in over two months. Every plan I made was tentative, always depending on whether Lidia needed me. And when I mentioned boundaries gently, she waved it off or changed the subject.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-9ed5c3604073a911fe9ef4842e0f87b9\">A week later, I got a call from my friend Martina, who lived two states away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-8ebe86c2bffb38a7d5f51cfee6d33ed4\">\u201cCome visit!\u201d she said. \u201cI miss you. I have a spare room now\u2014you could work from here for a bit.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-0e5aefeafd71af24952cfcfe14b7addb\">It felt like a lifeline.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-ecd04882d611846703c311e598e43c4b\">When I mentioned it to Lidia, she looked surprised. \u201cWait, you\u2019re leaving? For how long?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-9c08f3c8ff02d76445c0c0c156012259\">\u201cA couple of weeks. Maybe more.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-4d6747166343925248f055f604c5c03f\">\u201cBut\u2026 what about the kids?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-9d1964dfa0dc0032d0c2c71bfb2edac2\">I smiled, a little sad. \u201cThey have a mother. And a father.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-fe489ce6be0cce0e980b82e68fb6b78a\">She didn\u2019t respond right away. She just stared at me like I\u2019d grown a second head. \u201cYou\u2019re serious?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-3f086501c0bb3d2df1d2ab6626bce6af\">I nodded. \u201cI need a break, Lidia. I love them. I love you. But I\u2019m exhausted.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-000ba1a3ac912769f83559bf8beb33fd\">She didn\u2019t take it well. She muttered something about me being selfish and stormed off. I left anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-9df0290867fd6459525d9302ff6ea90b\">Martina\u2019s place was quiet, sunlit, and peaceful. I forgot what it felt like to wake up without a toddler poking me in the ribs or a baby crying in the next room. I worked, I read, I drank coffee while it was still hot.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-e75d4ae4b1c424b100879e821cd00e4f\">A few days in, I got a text from Lidia.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-d5326b963b807eac5e6315e7d22e4915\">\u201cKids miss you. I\u2019m swamped. Can you come back early?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-814fe5ab2dc7fae6b29cc0f9ef091ccb\">I stared at the screen for a long time before replying.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-dd44d905c52d3992c5a785439be61fac\">\u201cI miss them too. But I need to stay a little longer. Maybe you can ask Mom or Jason\u2019s sister?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-db31c7e0b92feeee12ea070ed7c10a5b\">She didn\u2019t reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-0b2deb2b68fac1d7bbac39eb48b3bd29\">A week later, Martina and I went hiking. I hadn\u2019t laughed so much in years. When I posted a photo online\u2014something simple, just me in nature, smiling\u2014Lidia commented, \u201cGlad you\u2019re having fun while I\u2019m drowning.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-8778bb6bd0bdc3a66942eb99a1132f2f\">I didn\u2019t answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-92ab9a9384a48cf659c25e0a1620c309\">It took me a while to understand that I\u2019d created this dynamic. I\u2019d always said yes, always rearranged my life, always been available. And now that I wasn\u2019t, it felt like betrayal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-9eb4a239ec8cbbfa454ce2e63d01b9cb\">But I wasn\u2019t betraying her. I was just choosing me for once.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-ead035eb3d6cb5670327a721bddce310\">Still, it hurt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-7987fb6414b80de71eac1132be665780\">The guilt was heavy, even as the peace of being away started healing parts of me I hadn\u2019t realized were bruised. I began journaling, thinking back to when we were kids. Lidia and I had always been close. Twins often are. But even as children, she was the louder one, the leader, the one who got her way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-1eac3c7802f6e399b9f58929f478a49c\">And I had always been the one who made peace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-268d99837a5183a058056f04644a3a1e\">It wasn\u2019t just about babysitting. It was about years of playing the supporting role in her life, while mine stayed in the shadows.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-b8e3d6ed3fa8e68d6b28131e11895293\">About three weeks into my trip, I got a call from Jason\u2014her husband.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-1741bdf872024769a9ae52cc385ec210\">\u201cHey,\u201d he said awkwardly. \u201cJust wanted to say\u2026 I\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-a3b5e2f20ef835fea8272ed81ebc5a51\">I was caught off guard. \u201cFor what?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-b39e18244348c16ecaee6f1323326a93\">\u201cFor everything, I guess. Lidia\u2019s been\u2026 overwhelmed. And maybe we both took advantage of you. I didn\u2019t realize how much we leaned on you until you left.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-8200e9206cdedbe23c6d8cdd58a06eab\">I didn\u2019t know what to say. I appreciated his words, but they didn\u2019t erase the years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-1388c6ffa4b91af276163b91242bb23f\">Still, I thanked him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-1d8102193f5cb2ef1e905343a7f14954\">A few days later, I got a different kind of message. This time from Lidia. It was a photo of a drawing one of the kids had made. A crayon picture of me, with \u201cAuntie is the best\u201d written in shaky letters.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-a93036bee4002532330dc29716420867\">Underneath, she wrote, \u201cWe all miss you. I\u2019m sorry. I didn\u2019t mean what I said at the dinner. I was tired. I\u2019ve been tired for years. But that doesn\u2019t excuse how I treated you.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-150f7cab66879728944b4a66edba0e5b\">That one\u2026 that one broke me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-b4f4a6636192a17a35ceb844951c7aaf\">I sat on the floor of Martina\u2019s guest room and cried again, but this time, it was different. It wasn\u2019t pain. It was release.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-6ff05f9d765ec2777aa1136792dcca2f\">I called her. We didn\u2019t fight. We didn\u2019t cry. We just talked, like sisters. Like friends. Like equals.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-5f613474e7cdac8a13faa5f5f7577df2\">She admitted she\u2019d been angry\u2014not at me, but at life. She loved her kids but had lost herself in them. She said seeing me take time for myself scared her, because it reminded her of how long it had been since she had done the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-b3dc4ef7d5fa70be25a28e93647a43aa\">And for the first time, I told her how small I\u2019d felt in her shadow.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-49fe36af72ceb4a7c85955243ba41d66\">There was silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-8aeafa19371c6b8dc781773bc1e6c17e\">Then she said, \u201cI didn\u2019t know. But I want to now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-3125f744c858432b164d074598ae0c98\">That was the beginning of a different kind of relationship between us. One with space. One with respect.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-f2516d9069449be13d7a3037cacdfc72\">When I returned home two weeks later, things weren\u2019t magically perfect. But they were better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-650df26e8c142c9c9edc4ddafe3884b0\">She no longer assumed I was available. She started arranging playdates and even hired a teenage neighbor to help sometimes. And I babysat, still\u2014but on my terms, with joy, not resentment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-a2f70948e2c95a1dee8572f75c705d1b\">One afternoon, we sat on her porch with coffee. The kids were napping. The sun was setting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-6d3a0ac9c3f82320dc7b9c7a531b33fa\">\u201cYou know,\u201d she said, \u201cI used to think asking for help was the same as love. Like if someone really loved me, they\u2019d just do things for me. But that\u2019s not fair.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-8f694cafaea38339a1b96a9b753ae671\">I nodded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-9d85eacdced04c17a68791e1703303ac\">\u201cAnd I thought giving everything I had was the only way to matter,\u201d I said softly. \u201cBut that\u2019s not true either.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-2ddf5439430a79978393895fe49fd74a\">She squeezed my hand. \u201cWe\u2019re learning.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-fb23660dae1f6180e312427e45bea34a\">And we were.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-758a73f9c731e49e68c3c0327fc43073\">Months later, something happened I didn\u2019t expect. I met someone. His name was Tomas, and he worked at a small bookstore downtown. We met at a local book club I almost didn\u2019t go to, because Lidia had asked me to babysit that night. But I\u2019d said no\u2014for the first time in a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-63e72d590726d8285afa0fab433c9ab9\">He was kind. Steady. He liked rainy days and old jazz records. He asked me questions and actually listened to the answers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-efee2e25589205c8a2bb9516c6b9e793\">We didn\u2019t rush. We got to know each other slowly. And when he met my family, the kids adored him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-f261abb66621d6ee027ef5c01a4e6bf4\">At our next family dinner, my niece blurted out, \u201cAuntie has a boyfriend!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-665d57f7ff8d537590d1a1f358379304\">Everyone laughed, including me. Lidia raised an eyebrow and whispered, \u201cHe cute. Good job.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-42f73004aa1a6e66284332337a2df8bb\">And this time, when someone praised me for being such a good aunt, she smiled and said, \u201cYeah, she\u2019s the best. I don\u2019t know what I\u2019d do without her. But I try not to find out too often.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-e9a4b07d44530a5b9b9db2c05082546b\">We both laughed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-5c2851298dc6c2c70dbdf3579fb7f868\">It wasn\u2019t perfect. Nothing is. But it was real.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-bc2d8789074d0e273aadb4fd1ff1b2fd\">And real is enough.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-7296b4fb2f1cef20536990a2dc61bfa5\">Here\u2019s what I learned: people will take what you offer\u2014but it\u2019s up to you to set the limits. Love isn\u2019t about giving until you break. It\u2019s about showing up with your whole heart without losing yourself in the process.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-6dbf011fe000190389db5f77bec2736b\">Sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is say no. Not out of anger, but out of care\u2014for yourself, and for the relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-1b5067a7e91e617bdf81ca5d12403055\">And sometimes, walking away is what helps people see your worth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-b8eb6121d72dd06f671fe8dfe8e8a940\">I don\u2019t regret being there for my sister. But I also don\u2019t regret stepping away. Because that\u2019s when we both grew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-ast-global-color-8-color has-text-color has-link-color wp-elements-528b9bb05af59e4d9e07661548013f31\"><strong>If this story meant something to you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you\u2019ve ever been the person who gave too much\u2014or needed someone to step back to appreciate them\u2014hit that like button. Your story matters too.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I have a twin sister, who has 4 kids. 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